From Me to You

On Mental Health Representation in The Light Between Worlds

TW: depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm, disordered eating

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I want to tell you a story, and it’s one I’ve never really told before.

Not long after I turned fourteen, I wandered into the dark, not in a literal sense, but in a metaphorical one. It was like one morning I woke up, and the sun never rose. Or it did, but I’d become surrounded by fog and couldn’t find my way out.

I’ve always been high-functioning, and so no one noticed. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, so they couldn’t see that all the things I felt when I looked at our beautiful, terrible mess of a world had gotten to be too much. I’d felt everything so acutely for so long, and then I just stopped feeling it altogether.

Mostly, it was like being numb. Going through the motions, and not caring about anything, where before I’d cared to an intolerable degree. And the rest of the time it was sadness, and purposelessness. If I couldn’t feel, and didn’t care when I knew I should, what was the point of staying tethered to this world? For months I kept my new state of mind entirely private, hardly knowing what to call it. Mental health issues were rarely spoken of in my community, and when they were, it was with a great deal of stigma and negative thought. I blundered across a word for my new state of being while reading about Sylvia Plath, and even then, it seemed too big and too daunting for me, a lost girl who’d only just entered her teens.

Finally, after weeks upon weeks of going through the motions and thinking secret thoughts of dying, I put a word to what I was going through. Depression. And I told several people about it, but it didn’t go well. I’ve never been the sort of person who opens up easily, so after that, I clammed back up. It was hard enough wandering in the dark on my own—I didn’t want to own to it, only to be met with disbelief or shock or hurt again. I would keep this thing, as I’d done until then, a secret. I could perform happiness, put on normal life like a mask. No one needed to know.

And I lived like that until eventually, the fog let up. I started to feel again, little by little. I stopped thinking about dying. I had a good long stint in the sun, and so when the dark came back, I went into it believing it wouldn’t last.

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It didn’t. It came and went, throughout my teens, and as I got older, I blundered into coping mechanisms that helped me when things got overwhelming, that kept me from going back into the dark. Some of them were healthy, and worth keeping—prayer, volunteering, exercise, reading poetry. Others weren’t—self-harm, disordered eating, a laser-like focus on meeting personal goals. I still maintain the former. I still, sometimes, struggle with the latter.

The one place I felt safe and found understanding during those years was in the pages of books. In my mid-teens, a librarian put Madeleine L’Engle’s A Ring of Endless Light in my hands, and that book changed everything. In it, Vicky Austin grapples with the heavy realities of life and death. She feels too much. She shuts down. She finds herself in darkness. And yet, she comes out the other side into the light. I felt such an exquisite relief reading her story, and finding someone else whose internal life so closely mirrored my own.

Other books came my way, in which young women grapple with despair and depression for a whole host of reasons, but none stayed with me the way Vicky’s story did. I went back to it time and time again. And eventually, years later and almost by accident, I wrote my own story. It ended up with an unfamiliar backdrop—post-war London, and the magical alternate world of the Woodlands, but it is nevertheless my journey, from an intensity of feeling, to the the depths of depression, to the sort of coping strategies that get you through the day and not much more. But above and beyond that, it is a story about constantly moving towards hope. About grasping for it when everything else seems pointless, or impossible.

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To this day, I’m in the habit of keeping everything I’ve just written about entirely private. And in a way, it would be easy to let the story I wrote, the one about lost girls, the one about finding the light when you’re caught between worlds, stand on its own. It would be simpler, perhaps, to not own that it’s my story. I’d like that. It would suit my habit of not letting others see the messy parts of me. The bits that aren’t perfect. The places that still hurt.

But my dearest wish for this book that I’m handing over to readers in three months’ time is that it would serve as a signpost along the way for other lost girls. That in its pages they’d see that yes, someone else has been here before, and walked these darkened paths, and come out again into the sunlight. That they’d know their lonely road is less lonely than it seems.

The Light Between Worlds doesn’t offer answers to the eternal questions of life and death and struggle and why some people wander into the dark. I don’t have those answers to give. But I hope that whether I do so in print or in life, I always offer companionship if you’re caught in the fog, and remind you of brighter days waiting on the other side. Because I’ve been there, in both the shadow and the sun.

And I wanted you to know.

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The Vanishing Kingdom

Interview with Teen Artist/Writer Bethany Stevenson

A short while ago I commissioned Bethany Stevenson, a talented teen artist and fellow writer, to create character art of Evelyn and Philippa Hapwell from The Light Between Worlds. They’re still a work in progress, but Bethany gave me a preview of the line art, and I was so thrilled I immediately asked if I could show my future readers as well. Bethany agreed, and also let me pick her brain a little on her creative process as both an artist and a writer.

Here’s our interview–throughout the text, there are samples of Bethany’s gorgeous art, and once you’ve read through, you’ll find the first glimpse of my beloved Hapwell girls <3

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Hi Bethany, it’s great to get a chance to chat with you about your creative work! Why don’t we start by letting readers know how long you’ve been drawing and writing for?

I’m not sure what my first picture was, probably scribbles, but I’ve been drawing as long as I could hold a pencil. Between ages 6 and 8, I loved to make little construction-paper books and illustrate them with stamps and markers. I learned to read extremely slow though, so my early stories were acted out in the backyard. 

When I hit 9 years old, I decided I wanted to be the next George Lucas, which is funny because I preferred books such as Narnia at the time. So I wrote my first 100-page novel before my 10th birthday, consisting of space princesses wielding swords, hamburgers, and match-making. It started everything. At 13, I wrote a 110,000-word long novel and a trilogy over the summer.

I successfully completed my 40th full-length novel before my 18th birthday (which already took place by the time you’re reading this!) and happen to be the only one who’s read most of them, but I’ve become a turtle-writer over the years as art became more prominent. (starting my last semester of high-school doesn’t help, haha) 

 

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What’s your process like when creating art versus writing? Do you find there’s overlap, or are they relatively different artistic forms for you? 

In some ways, there’s a TON of overlap, in others, my art and writing don’t connect at all. I haven’t thought too hard about it until now!

Drawing characters or scenes have always helped me brainstorm when I’m not quite ready to write something but feel inspired. Things I’ve drawn sometimes turns into scenes in my writing.

At the same time, they don’t connect, because in writing there’s action and voices and scents and sounds and emotions within words. Art has those things too, but it’s all visual. In art, you see something and fill in what’s taking place in your head. In writing, you’re reading what’s happening, and fill in the images in your head.

 

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Are there any particular places you go for inspiration for your art and stories?

For my stories, childhood experiences or dreams always come back around to inspire me Surprisingly, I still love a lot of the same things I did half-my-life-ago. Themes of large friendship groups, family, astronomy or meteorology related things, and something sparkly or forest-related always shows up.

For my art, I often don’t look for inspiration, because a lot of my favorite drawings started when inspiration found me at unexpected times.Whether it’s a sunrise at the begging of a long car trip or someone’s prom-dress advertisement, it comes on its own and I’m usually left staring into space trying to figure out what to do with it.

 

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Obligatory Top 5 Books question!

In no order…

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

The Last Namsara by Kristen Ciccarelli (Kristen helped edit one of my chapters once and now we’re friends and she’s the best ever, go read her book!!!)

Keeper of the Lost Cities Series by Shannon Messenger 

Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card (and the rest of the Quartet, if adult sci-fi and philosophy is your thing)

Neverending Story by Michael Ende (not the movie, go read the book. It’s a masterpiece)

And a toss up between the Maze Runner by James Dashner and Ms. Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs… can’t decide.

 

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Where can we follow you online to see more of your art?

Oh, I’m so glad you asked!!

Instagram and YouTube are my art worlds. Twitter is my writing world with bits of art posted here and there… (such as promo art for amazing authors 😉 ) Here’s my handles and links, it’d mean a lot if you click follow/subscribe because it’s the best way to support me as a young artist/author right now:

Instagram: @bethanystevenson_art (https://www.instagram.com/bethanystevenson_art/ )

YouTube:  Bethany Stevenson – Art ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrR8im16mXvLJzi0Shg36aA?view_as=subscriber )

Twitter: @bethanypeep ( https://twitter.com/bethanypeep )
And now, I’m very pleased to be able to show you Bethany’s line art of Evelyn and Philippa Hapwell!

 

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Evelyn Hapwell, by Bethany Stevenson

 

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Philippa Hapwell, by Bethany Stevenson

Aren’t they lovely??? Thank you so much to Bethany for sharing with us <3

Journal of a Debut Year

Journal of a Debut Year: How to Prep for Your Debut Year NOW

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This week, I’m introducing a new feature to the blog. Every other Monday, I’ll post thoughts and insights on an author’s debut year, as I’m going through mine. It’ll be part advice, part diary, part publishing process retrospective, and I hope authors looking forward to their own debut years will find it of use <3

To kick things off, I want to talk about a few things you can do NOW, no matter what stage of the writing journey you’re on, to make your eventual publication process and debut year go smoothly.

Learn To Work To A Deadline

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Without a doubt the most useful thing I did prior to signing a book contract was train myself to work to a deadline, and learn what sort of deadlines are realistic for me. I did this by setting personal deadlines throughout the novel-writing and querying process. Deadlines for drafts, deadlines for revisions, deadlines to incorporate feedback from critique partners, deadlines to write and rewrite (and rewrite and rewrite) pitches.

Once you sign with agent, you’ll begin working to deadlines. Depending on your agent they may be a little more flexible at first. My agent will generally ask me things like “How long do you think you need for this revision?” Having set myself deadlines consistently during the writing process prior to querying, I have a good sense of how much time I need for set writing tasks, given the constraints of my life.

Deadlines set by editors are a little different. They’re generally less flexible, and in this case, having set deadlines previously means you’ll know what commitments need to be reorganized and how much time you need to dedicate per day/week to meet a firm deadline.

Either way, learning to work to deadlines is an invaluable skill to take into the publishing process, and will hold you in good stead well beyond the confines of your debut year.

Learn To Incorporate Feedback

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Chances are, you won’t get to the publishing contract stage without at least editing to a set of notes from your agent. But learning to incorporate feedback from multiple critique partners is an important skill, and one that will give you an advantage when it comes to working with an editor.

You can find writers willing to critique your work on Twitter, via hashtags such as #amwriting and #CPmatchup. Developing the ability to work with different critique styles, and to sense what feedback is right for your work and what is not, will be of significant help when you end up revising with an editor.

In the best circumstances, the editorial stage of novel-writing is a collaboration between partners who want the best for your book. Learning to be a willing and creative reviser who’s able to rethink their ideas and cooperatively brainstorm solutions will not only help smooth the path as you edit your novel, it will make you a great author to work with.

Start Finding Your Community

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Some people refer to this as “platform building”, but I’ve seen far too many aspiring authors approach developing their community in an impersonal and business-minded way, all to their detriment. The fact is, in this day and age of instant access social media, your future friends, critique partners, supporters, and readers want a personal touch.

“Platform building” is a numbers game. Finding your community is about meeting like-minded individuals you can develop relationships with. Will they sometimes be mutually beneficial relationships? Sure! But they don’t always have to be. Don’t approach community development with the mindset of “what will I get out of this social interaction?” There’s no quicker way to send people running for the hills and turn the entire exercise into a joyless experience for you.

Instead, find the other members of the online reading and writing communities who love the things you love. Be willing to courteously enter conversations about things you’re interested in. You never know who you might meet. Think about what you can give back to the book community, rather than what you can get.

Define Your Brand

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I’ll be honest with you–this is one of those marketing things that gets talked about almost everywhere and which I found completely baffling for years. I’m an author, I don’t have a brand other than myself, right?

Sort of.

Your online presence is a curated form of reality. You pick and choose what to share with other people. Is that dishonest? No. Is it the whole truth about you as an individual? Also no. Your brand exists at the cross-section of what you love, what you’re willing to share, and what your community is interested in.

It may take some time and some trial and error to hit on what your personal brand is, which is why figuring it out prior to your debut year will give you an advantage. It took several years for me to figure out that people love when I share pictures and stories of my house and garden. I live in an area with lots of wildlife, have a forest in my backyard, am putting in some beautiful gardens, and keep chickens. The pastoral, serene nature of this aspect of my life has really resonated with the online community I’m a part of.

I thoroughly enjoy curating the version of “Weymouth Manor” that my community gets to see. It’s peaceful and an escape, not just for the people who follow me on social media, but for myself as well. Online, there’s a version of my home where you rarely see the messy, annoying, unpleasant bits. Though I do try to show them occasionally to stay genuine 😉

Consider what your brand might be. What do you love, that you’re willing to share, and that would be of interest to your community?

To sum up, you can prep for your debut year NOW by…

  1. Learning to work to a deadline
  2. Learning to incorporate feedback
  3. Finding your community
  4. Defining your brand

Hopefully these tips on how to prepare for your debut year (and beyond) well in advance will be helpful to you in your writing journey.